Month 4

 Its take off time. First thoughts are - I wish that things were clear right from go. Not knowing if it was even going to happen or not just served to make me worry about it all the time. Anyhow.

next thought - change. Its massive. Its difficult to leave something one is so rooted to, where one grew up (in so many ways), place of a sort of rebirth.. I think of people who left their homes, countries to travel the high seas absolutely unaware of what lay ahead of them... To be so completely at the mercy of the uncertain - one had to have a great deal of hope and optimism inside of them.. and its only that which got them places. I have to look at this transition the same way. There is so much that I can make of it but its totally upto me to do it. Its not one of the beaten paths in this line of work. I have to beat the path that works for me. And I have to stay hopeful. 

Month 1

 

A month has passed. Slowly, like the time before, I am coming to terms with the fact of my utter helplessness in these matters. I do remember cribbing quite often and feeling bored and listless there too. But I had occasional spurts of activity which kicked off my lethargy, gainfully employed my mind and gave me some sense of satisfaction. I suppose every place has that capacity.. ther are things to be done everywhere.. but it is a confluence of people and ideas and opportunity that make things happen. So even if I dragged my feet on it and started mn project only in nov 19 because of my worry that mk would not be able to pull it along, there were others, like dr. c, jk, dm  who helped pull it through just like we wanted to. So far, I haven’t yet witnessed that capability here and I am not hitting upon any workable ideas either.. but to be fair, even there, it took almost 6 months to reach that stage. Probably elections was the reason, but even if we shave of 3 months for elections, that’s still at least 3 months we are looking at before one fully understands the potentials and the people. And here its been just a month.

Truth is, my worry about impending change and the fact that I am presuming my time to be limited here is interfering with my thinking. The fact that for this whole month I haven’t met any prs and now that they are free, the anticipation of meeting is building up a certain tension in me.. worried that I will be at loggerheads with them often given their reputation. I suppose it is wrong of me to presume such things.. after all, I had heard the same things earlier, but it wasn’t so bad after all. So I should be mature enough to keep an open mind and like matt damon says, solve one math problem. Then another. then another. That’s how you stay alive!!