Growing up

   Every now and then, my son does something which hits home that he's growing up and hitting milestones out of the park..

   Today, the boy who would NEVER wish guests or people good morning, leave alone wishing people on festivals, the boy who would never reply to a single question asked to him by anyone who's not immediate family, the boy who would cry if I made him go and play with other kids when we visit other people's homes stunned me. 

   I really wasnt wanting him to come along because in addition to all the social awkwardness from the above behaviour, he would also go to someone's place and throw a fit if he didn't get anything to eat! But he insisted so I let him tag along.. and oh my! never had I met that well-behaved child before who did everything we have been asking him to do for years - wishing others, touching their feet for blessings, replying to the questions he's asked and most surprisingly, obeying the commands of a 2 year old who wanted him to play with him! 

   My little rebel baby, who rebelled more out of fear of the unknown than anything else, is now grown up enough to feel comfortable around strangers he's meeting for the first or second time.. and interact in a socially meaningful way.. 

   You have suddenly become more articulate, more patient and more caring than I have seen you in all these years.. So proud of you for making this change in yourself my son, in your own way, at your own pace. 

A Holiday Found

     Being married is one thing..  making it work is another.. and then there is another thing altogether -  discovering the wonders of being married in the simplest of things.. maybe its the effect of the O’s Book stories or maybe just a perfect confluence of time and opportunity..

    We were supposed to go for a small holiday (long weekend) which had to be cancelled for many reasons. Having lived apart for most of our lives, holidays taken together (few as they have been) was the way we built strength in our relationship. A holiday cancelled at first felt like a real waste of precious time we could have had together..

      

      Then the weekend arrived.. our ill boys recovered and we sat watching them chase each other around the house squealing with meaningless laughter.. we found ourselves enjoying an interesting book talk on the first evening out.. After years we went together to the vegetable market next morning and on finding it empty of customers at that hour, we strolled leisurely, picking out the freshest products together even as it drizzled around us.. the day after that, for the first time we went on a trek to a nearby forest. We joined a group of veteran trekkers and walked the semi-trails among the trees, through smokes of wispy clouds, soaking in the off again on again rain.. 7 kms and 4 hours sped past so fast..

    

    Three disjunct activities, weaved into our newfound usual routine, on a random weekend brought alive the power of the mundane in our lives.. making me realise that I don’t need a holiday to build a happy family. Cliched as it maybe, sharing space and smiles is what really matters.. and this doesn’t have to be done  on a holiday alone..

My Book of Happiness

   I was reading O's Book of Happiness the other day. I had just spent 2 nights and 3  days watching my son in excruciating pain, till the time tests and medicines could provide him a diagnosis and medicines. Each time the kids fall sick and I dont have medicine or science to turn to (since meds werent working), I get this feeling of extreme helplessness and frustration.. And each time that they do get better, their innocent sweet smiles, mischievous twinkle in their eyes return and I feel like all is well with the world again..

   In this book I read similar stories of simple things that people find joy in, things which are seemingly disproportionate in their incidence to the importance they find in someone's life - like a swim or like the way a lights out pulls the family together leaving behind a happy memory or realising the pointlessness of things we otherwise took for granted when faced with a life changing disease.. 

   I watched my kids as they dealt with their illnesses.. the elder one, who brought hell down on earth at the mention of an injection until 10 months ago (when he got his last shot), was suddenly grown up and squeezed back his tears, gritting his teeth silently as he got a canola inserted in his arm.. I told him baby its ok to cry, but he refused to let even a drop slip.. later he smiled at me, as if to say, dont worry, im alright. The younger one, too small to talk, but spent two days crying in pain, clinging to us helplessly. Then like sunshine after a storm, on the third day came a toothless smile, and a small jump and run.. he was back on his feet again!
   
     Happiness was that day for me, realising how much their smiles mean to me.. its an addiction.. one you dont want to grow out of.. there is nothing that touches one's soul the way an innocent child's innocent happy smile does.. I spent the whole day watching them and reading.. I know they will grow up very soon and this moment, this day will be lost to me forever.. realising this makes me want to stay like this, surrounded by their smiles, hugs and love, even more.. 

Civic-less Sensibilities

I made pasta today. It was an exceptionally annoying morning. Nothing annoys me more than having to be somewhere early. And early in my dictionary is anything before 9 am. 

Second in the list of annoying things is having to motivate people to clean up around themselves. Dont get me wrong, the mission / endeavour is great, but the arguments and retorts people come up with is unbearable. Its so unbearable that I dont want to even put it down for posterity! The reason it was exceptionally annoying is that just one month back, JUST a month back we all roamed around the main market, talking shame and sense into all those shopkeepers who encroach on footpaths and throw their stuff into drains. And they were just back to pavilion in no time.

 I firmly believe that something like this has to come from within. 100 employees of some government department cannot be running behind 1 lakh population. It simply cannot happen that way. And I realised today that it isnt that people dont realise how they are responsible for the cleanliness of their surroundings. The fact is they know. But they just dont CARE! This realisation  has hit me really hard.. because I thought I knew how to show people their responsibility but I just dont know how to get the horse to drink the damn water! I mean when you have all the who's who of the political scene and NGO scene and government scene etc talking about cleanliness all day all night, something's got to percolate into an average human right? But isnt happening here! And I am lost. And I hate having to sacrifice my precious sleep and late mornings to things which make me feel lost. That too on a holiday!

So after roaming around the city from 8 to 1 shouting myself hoarse at glassy eyed , disinterested people, I came home all tired and glum and with a cold building up from all that dust. So I decided to indulge in some comfort food. I found this recipe on yummytummy - a simple veg pasta baked. Its so easy to make and really much better than just pasta in white sauce. I clubbed it with a fresh cucumber & tomato salad with a basic dressing and hot toast. It was lovely...

What would have made it perfect though, would be my better half's presence, light conversation, laughter and the feeling of sitting down to a nice little Saturday dinner with family. 

Not one of my good days

Parents with broken bones. Unwell and crying baby. Fights at home. Sudden workload. Shitty boss. And recent feedback about what all rubbish is going on in my area under my nose.. Feeling buried under a mountain right now.. Tired like hell. 

Hope this passes.. sooner than later. 

Rainy enigmatic nights

Its 12 in the night. A sudden burst of clouds. And rain.. 

I know a lot of people who swear by the goodness of early morning. The power that the sun brings and so forth. But the night.. I dont know how people skip the gorgeous dark quiet night for anything.. The perfect stillness. The amplified sounds of mundane things like the clock ticking.. im addicted to it..

And to that, rain.. my heart and mind just brims over.. I cannot get myself to sleep.. Today, as I stand on the steps of my porch after the rain, and take in the most blessed of smells - of rain on earth- and look around at the glistening quietness that is my garden, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. For the life I have. For my family, and my few but dear friends. For my job, with which I share a love-hate relationship in the most literal sense. For the opportunities I get and for the mistakes I made that have made me stronger.

And not the least, for the dark rain in the night, and for being able to take in its beauty.. Today, I have no complains!

The Other Life

Spent a luxurious half hour watching Jamie Olivier whip up a gorgeous meal of something I can neither spell nor pronounce. Sometimes I try to imagine how my life would be if I wasnt working. And on days like this, when everyone and everything seems to be turning against me, Jamie Olivier sent me to a world of bright sunny kitchens joyous smells and happy gurgles of people with filled tummys. 

And I would be dishonest if I didnt admit that on many occasions I dream, even now, of packing of everyone at home to their respective day time institutions and sitting down to enjoy a quite cup of tea on late mornings, maybe the morning paper in hand, with the sun streaming down through a blue painted window.. tiny potted plants on the sill.. some peppy jazz playing in the background maybe.. after a while of doing absolutely nothing, surf out a new recipe to try from my fav websites, have a roast in the oven and a pot or two of something delectable boiling away on the stove like Jamie,  pull something out of the vegetable garden and chop chop chop, throw it into the boiling pot of bliss..

Enjoy a scrumptuous meal, read all my piled up books on the reading list, take a walk on a wind swept street, buy some goodies on a whim from a tiny corner shop... catch every movie, every play that I want to, return home to a typical family, some fighting, some teasing, some laughing, enjoy quiet moments with my better half and fall off into an exhausted slumber..  

I know, the grass is always greener on the other side, but right now, that 'brighter green' is like a shining beacon in my life.. beckoning, tempting me.. sigh..