Innovation

This word has been the bane of my existence in this job. I dont know what it means, how its done and I gawk in awe at people who earn such fame with their innovative projects, whatever they may be. I was reading C.G.Somiah's autobiography and it struck me quite glaringly that in all his anecdotes (the book is more like a collection of anecdotes, very interesting to read, without much personal opinions), the work that the earlier generation of civil servants used to focus on and take pride in, was getting the system up and running properly by taking timely, sensible decisions over things, taking a stand on right or wrong and helping those in need by all the resources at their command. Much to its contrast, current day administration is more about innovative projects. All the things mentioned above are maybe taken for granted, taken as routine or maybe somewhere down the line, these expectations from officers itself has disappeared. Now a good officer isnt necessarily an honest guy who takes a stand in a tough situation in the larger interest of society. I find that increasingly, it is one who can manage all local forces - other departments, media, unions and other sundry pressure groups - such that no wrong messages go upwards and then as a bonus, roll out some new project once in a while.

I dont mean this in a demeaning manner. The fact is, this kind of management is a very difficult skill to hone and not everyone's cup of tea. Certainly not mine. And in addition to all that jugglery, to come up with interesting projects to work on, is really something. The only bee in my bonnet is, what about regular administration? Why isnt that a priority any more? What happens when the officer leaves and the project fizzles out? Isnt that a sheer waste of energy and effort? Isnt it necessary to discern between eye catching and meaningful innovations - those which are sustainable after the officer leaves, and continues to deliver long after it has, to use Weber's word, routinized? 

I dont know why, maybe all these questions are rising in my head because I am not a competitive person by nature and I find people always comparing me to others to assess how 'innovative' I am and it makes me so uncomfortable.. like a little school boy under the scrutiny of the strict school headmaster, maybe because I see so many 'innovative' projects lying wasted, like a street after a carnival.. maybe its because I am trying to work on a few long term projects and I am finding the going so so tough.. starting it was easy enough, but to put in place a system which will make the changes last is proving to be formidable.. and I am realising that this is the actual challenge, to 'make changes in something established, especially by introducing new methods, ideas or products' ( thats the definition of 'to innovate' as per Oxford Dictionary) proper long term result yielding changes. 

A job well done

One of the earliest posts in this blog was about elections. And how I detested the whole process and found it a waste of time and money. A slight correction. I still think its a huge waste of money when there are back to back elections and that we need to find a way to bunch them together the way it was done in Orissa a few days back. But apart from that, I have come to love this period.

I now realise that my dislike for it initially was due to my poor grasp over the language and I used to feel overwhelmed by the amount of reading of rules, circulars, letters that it required. But now, 5 years down the line, a bit better equipped linguistically, I had a bigger responsibility than previously to manage elections in about 6 times the area I previously had done. 

I have reached the conclusion that there is no task better organised than elections. Firstly, the rules of the game are crystal clear. No exceptions.While that seems so ordinary, the fact is, life in the day to day is not like that. Even if I want to keep it that way, there are many people above below and parallel who don't subscribe to that theory, for various reasons (a different debate altogether). This level playing field is absolutely wonderful because you can actually see how people change from this egoistic self obsessed attitude to one where they bow down to the rules. 

Secondly, this is the only task in which the staff remains disciplined. Unfortunately, one of the worst things about our society today is not corruption - that's the symptom. The root of it, is lack of self - discipline across the bureaucracy. Everything else stems from it. When a person thinks that however lower down in the hierarchy his post is, just because he is connected to x, y, z he can get away with blue murder, and actually often does - that's how everything that is wrong with us begins. There has to be a basic minimum of discipline towards our work, in our behaviour to our subordinates and superiors and a basic respect for the fact that the executive branch is separate from the political branch of governance. Anyhow, the point is, elections is the only time when that discipline surfaces, albeit due to fear of the Commission, but its a fear I most welcome. This creates a well oiled machinery working 24x7, days on end, but flawlessly.

Thirdly, things are unambiguous. I mean, you don't have much scope to interpret things differently and I for one, am in complete favour of that. I do realise that it isn't always possible to have iron clad rules for all departments, but I do think that any lee way that is given for interpretation has to be within a broader framework of clear cut rules otherwise it just causes problems and suspicions in the minds of people. However, in elections, this kind of clarity is most welcome. So, although it means that you have to read like a thousand letter everyday, its great  because anyone questions your decision, you can simply pull out the letter and wave it to them. And that silences all opposition!

At the end of the whole gruelling 2-3 months, when the job is done, the satisfaction.. its beyond words. I feel such pride in our team, our management and planning.. I cannot describe the sense of contentment.. I have a beatific smile on my face as I write about it! 

Random

I have nothing really I want to write about today.. But I just noticed its been a while since I made an entry I dont want to slip up again.. at least not so soon!

I have had a long holiday - as in officially, 3 days off in a row.. and I have only come to realise in this span of time how hopelessly lazy and uninspiring I have become! I dont exercise or pursue a hobby or keep abrest of the latest in the world or even up to date on things that would improve my work.. I feel like Ive been plucked out of my natural surroundings and thrown into some place I dont belong but have to try to fit in. I try, but its amazing how nothing interests me. I dont know how I became this way.. and I didnt like the glimpse of me I had these three days.

So,my biggest excuse - the elections - is going to be over soon and I have resolved to make each day count more. Not just in terms of work, but in terms of everything I mentioned above. Lets see how far I get..

Rainy enigmatic nights

Its 12 in the night. A sudden burst of clouds. And rain.. 

I know a lot of people who swear by the goodness of early morning. The power that the sun brings and so forth. But the night.. I dont know how people skip the gorgeous dark quiet night for anything.. The perfect stillness. The amplified sounds of mundane things like the clock ticking.. im addicted to it..

And to that, rain.. my heart and mind just brims over.. I cannot get myself to sleep.. Today, as I stand on the steps of my porch after the rain, and take in the most blessed of smells - of rain on earth- and look around at the glistening quietness that is my garden, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. For the life I have. For my family, and my few but dear friends. For my job, with which I share a love-hate relationship in the most literal sense. For the opportunities I get and for the mistakes I made that have made me stronger.

And not the least, for the dark rain in the night, and for being able to take in its beauty.. Today, I have no complains!

Transfers

Transfers are supposed to be a way of life for us. And personally, after about 6 months, I am mentally prepared for one anyhow. But this is the first time I've faced such disappointment over transfer of my subordinates. Barring 3, each and every officer I was working with got transferred recently. None of these officers had been in their present postings for more than 6-7 months. All that is ok. As I said, a way of life for us. But there was this one particular officer that I wanted to retain. I tried my level best. Spoke to all those people who I felt could help. But to no avail.

This officer is outstandingly honest, driven, hardworking and the best officer I have worked with so far. He has been here only for 6 months and there is not a soul in this place, official, political or any other category, who can raise a finger at him, for his work has been exceptional. Even those behind his transfer sheepishly admit to this but claim other compulsions that they have made them do this. And as though having him sent out isnt enough, even his close aides, who have shown allegiance to him in work have been moved out. Complete annihilation. 

For me, it is a time of greatest dilemma for me personally. I was the one who encouraged them to work towards setting right some basic problems. They gave more of their time, energy and effort than they were technically required to at my behest. Now seeing their case, why will anyone, well meaning or not, ever work so whole heartedly with me? As a leader, I have not been able to protect them at all. I am feeling so... inadequate, like I let them down. How am I supposed to call upon any officer to take up any work ?

And what is the work taken up? Thats what amazes me, today, to expect a teacher to just teach or a doctor to just attend to a patient or a lineman to fix a light problem in time is seen by them as blasphemy! How dare anyone expect us to attend school/hospital when we dont feel the need to? So what if kids in 7th std dont know how to read? Or if a woman lying in the hospital under labour keeps screaming saying her chest is paining , how dare we be expected to immidiately refer her to a heart specialist? How DARE anyone finger us? question us? tell us to actually DO the job we were hired to do? 

That is all we did. Nothing fancy. Just told teachers to teach rather than use pass books for kids of 4th to 10th standard. To attend regularly. To take leave beforehand. My entire team who dared to ask for these basic things got thrown out. My only regret is I didnt. And I have to sit here and feel... this.. impotence. I just feel so angry, so disappointed, so useless.. I mean, what work am I supposed to? I have no answers. And I just dont want to go to office anymore. We are just bloody pawns. Expendable useless pawns. 

The Other Life

Spent a luxurious half hour watching Jamie Olivier whip up a gorgeous meal of something I can neither spell nor pronounce. Sometimes I try to imagine how my life would be if I wasnt working. And on days like this, when everyone and everything seems to be turning against me, Jamie Olivier sent me to a world of bright sunny kitchens joyous smells and happy gurgles of people with filled tummys. 

And I would be dishonest if I didnt admit that on many occasions I dream, even now, of packing of everyone at home to their respective day time institutions and sitting down to enjoy a quite cup of tea on late mornings, maybe the morning paper in hand, with the sun streaming down through a blue painted window.. tiny potted plants on the sill.. some peppy jazz playing in the background maybe.. after a while of doing absolutely nothing, surf out a new recipe to try from my fav websites, have a roast in the oven and a pot or two of something delectable boiling away on the stove like Jamie,  pull something out of the vegetable garden and chop chop chop, throw it into the boiling pot of bliss..

Enjoy a scrumptuous meal, read all my piled up books on the reading list, take a walk on a wind swept street, buy some goodies on a whim from a tiny corner shop... catch every movie, every play that I want to, return home to a typical family, some fighting, some teasing, some laughing, enjoy quiet moments with my better half and fall off into an exhausted slumber..  

I know, the grass is always greener on the other side, but right now, that 'brighter green' is like a shining beacon in my life.. beckoning, tempting me.. sigh.. 

Dreadful inspections

Every once in a while, one is shaken out of the feeling of job satisfaction by a strange turn of events. These strange turns have a penchant for appearing particularly during inspections of superiors. Having managed two such inspections well in the recent past, and having worked hard and happy with the results on the issues which were coming up for inspection again, i was quite confident that this one would be smooth sailing too... how terribly wrong I was!!

Its time now to learn that work doesnt always speak for itself. Projection is vital. More than anything else. If you stumble at that moment, all your work is brought to dust. I cant remember when I felt so demoralised last in life.. To be told that all that youve consistently worked for, over the last 4 months is rubbish, and when you yourself dont think so.. its depressing. What can you do other than explain? But what use is explanation that falls on deaf ears? 

I dont know.. I dont know how to project.. I like to take people to the site of work, and make them see for themselves rather than explain in words, facts, figures. That has always worked so far.. But this time it didnt and I'm foxed. Dont know where to go from here, what to do next.. Its an awful feeling.. like I let my team down by not being able to put forward their achievements properly.. 

I wish I could undo yesterday's happenings.. but I cant.. I have to find a way to crawl out of this hole I've fallen into, of depression and self pity.. I have to make myself remember that I do what I do not for accolades (though they wouldnt hurt!!) but for the sake of what is good and what is right. For, cliched as it sounds these days, the people. I have to remember that, hold onto that thought... because if anything can pull me up again ever, it is this thought alone.. to keep my real objective in mind..  

The 'Fields' to my blog..

 Some days are just glorious. When I set out for some work 2 hours away from HQ, I did not expect the sight that met me.. A day of colours. Windy blue skies, wispy white threads of clouds, the smell of mustard flowers in the air everywhere you go, the budding green  shoots of wheat till  the eye wandered.For those of us who grew up when DDLJ came out, we just cannot stop romanticizing about mustard fields!

I just wanted to put up these pics so that when I look back at these posts some time later, I want the memory of this tour, this place to come back, fresh as ever.. because these are the little pleasures which make all the hard work worth it. And even though I'd be just as happy to travel through a scene such as this even if I had done nothing to contribute to it, when people come to thank you for the good supply of fertilizers and seeds.. it just reminds me why I chose to be here at all..

Politics and dead bodies

So much has been written and said on this everywhere, that there's little left for me to add save that I got a first hand taste of it recently. Nothing pretty, nothing I would like to write about in detail.

 I do want to state for the record, that the incident has shown me the utmost importance of keeping a cool mind, and a mind of one's own. To keep one's objective very clearly and steadfastly on restoring normalcy and tightly shutting out any attempt by any one at infusing doses of extraneous issues into the situation. Never giving up the reins of control to another unless you yourself feel its the best course of action. And lastly, never ever raising one's voice.

I realise this entry is more like a note to myself, but I felt I had to write the basics down. Maybe, apart from taking me to a new level of experience and worldliwise-ness, may just interest or help someone out there..

What does a bad day look like?

Three guys trapped for taking bribe. One removed from his posting suddenly, no reason. And a major accident killing a lady on the spot and injuring 11 others. Some days are just so depressing...

Faux Festivals

I don’t mean offense to any religion or religious people, but I have really begun to think, isn’t it high time we tone down our religious-ism? On an average there are at least 15 such occasions yearly. On these days, either processions are taken out, or people congregate at certain places or hold some programmes or something or the other, which for the not – so – enthusiastic means traffic jams,  sleepless nights thanks to the idea that the omnipresent one is unable to hear its subjects without  loudspeakers, all kinds of waste strewn all over the place.. is it really fair to subject all residents of a place to what should be essentially a personal matter?

Or maybe there’s a reason why people put up with it.. maybe this business is an actual business, maybe there’s an entire economics behind this which enables it to subsist and even grow.. I don’t know..Still learning so much each day.. All I know is, I could do with a good night’s sleep.

Just another day

A post I found as a Draft on my dashboard dated 5th Feb 2013:
Its rare when unexpected rains, unexpected news come together on unexpectedly free day. What a lovely beautiful day it was and I was able to happily stroll the corridors, slowing down near the open courtyards to let the refreshingly cool breeze blow onto my face while my hands are buried deep and comfortably in my jacket pocket.. at that moment, all worries, thoughts, time ceases to exist.. there's one thing only - a smile, reflected on my face but felt through and through..

Even at the cost of sounding sentimental, I want to pen this down because a time like this is so... precious. Hardly do things come together in a way and at a time so perfectly that you are able to put all things aside and soak in the general feeling of all encompassing beauty and bonhomie. How often does one get a chance - irrespective of what they do in life - to just stop and smell that rain kissed earth and let the wind sweep away all that is negative in you? I for one cannot remember the last time I could or did do so. So I really want to just write this down so that, maybe on a day when the world seems like a cursed place to live -in - which it does every now and then unfailingly - I could just read through and perhaps relive this day.. and remind myself that the world is beautiful.. it is I who must find the ways and time to cherish it..

2013

Something about January, I suppose, that makes you mull over the year that's passed. The previous one has been action packed and I wish I had recorded thoughts and events as they happened, for authenticity.

Nevertheless, to put it succinctly, I think I have to rate that so far, the most favourite part of my job is executing independent projects, where I have my own team, a target and an end result motivating enough to slog for. Rarely do people get this chance, forget so early in one's career. Since I have talked ad nauseum about it to friends I am not going to elaborate on the whole deal. The point is that, theres a time in ones career when you learn for yourself, what really pushes you and what makes you want to wake up every morning, raring to go? This doesnt come easy or soon. Im glad it did for me. 

Secondly, when I look back at my posts on elections, I have to say that after conducting yet another round, while some points I still stick to, I have developed a grudging fondness for the process. For no other reason that I have come to realise that it is one of the few things in life that is crystal clear. No greys. Just Black and White. In letter. That essentially means crazy amounts of hard work, but no tension lines on your forehead! No wondering how to balance opposing forces, how to interpret rules, to act or to wait, how to play these games that go with the job... Nothing. Its an amazing feeling, like when you have been swimming for a long long time.. no matter how good a swimmer you are and how much stamina you have, you begin to feel tired and you finally can touch your feet down on the pool floor and lift your head up and breathe...

A Lost Habit

After a really really long time, I picked up a magazine the other day. Had 3 days off and decided that I must get back to following up things happening around me and since I had 3 mags and 3 days, in the fashion of my younger days, I thought to myself that I would happily breeze through them. 

When I began to read, I was amazed to find that I had developed the amazing ability to read through the words without registering the meaning of what I was reading at all! I actually completed a full article to realise at the end that I had no idea what the author was trying to say! I figure that I have picked up this ridiculous habit from my work - where mountain high files could only be attended to if one developed this skill of skimming through, catching on just to the important bits. I have sadly come to understand however, that this skill is absolutely wasted on articles written with all the research of magazine authors (apropos our staff), pros and cons that go into making an argument.. 

So, I reluctantly flipped back the pages of the rather long article, trudged through the magazine applying my brain cells in a manner that I haven't for ages and finished just one magazine over the three days. I have decided at the end of it, now that I have begun reading once more, never shall I abandon it again. Its too painful trying to re-establish the habit!

Mentors

In the world of work, I have learnt recently, that there are as many opinions as there are people. And people love to paste their opinions on you, specially about you! Its like they love to do a summary analysis of another's life love and career and pass their esteemed judgement on the matter in a precious call - on session of 10 mins tops. 

Then there are idiots like me who takes each one seriously, mulls over it endlessly and in the process, manage to completely confuse issues about my own life regarding which I was fairly clear say about a month back! I know that's terribly silly of me but when so many 'experienced' voices opine, its hard to ignore it specially when its touches or even skirts issues close to one's heart - like family.

Its at times like these - and today was one such day - when I'm thoroughly lost, at the cusp of taking a wrong step that I remember my mentor. Its a boon to have someone who genuinely cares for your well being, understands you, scolds you when you're silly and guides you back to the path of sensibility. I have been lucky to have worked with two people who I can count on and consider my mentors. Thanks to them for saving my day for me!

...I'm back! Hopefully!

Its been close to two years that I've neglected my blog and there is never any good enough excuse for that.. And although I do feel I've sort of lost touch with writing per se, I will be making an attempt again - because the things that I've written in the intro to the blog and myself hold true even today..  

 So, a new place, a new portfolio ( and many in between this time space) and new thoughts. Back to the blog! 

And the End

   I know I've been terribly irritated and fed up of elections.I have cribbed no end about it for the last 5 months and just wondered why we even have this thing called elections. Today, as I wrapped up the last shred of election work, I didn't delve back into the conceptual question of democracy and instead, just let out a nice big sigh and smiled.. at the end of the day, no matter your personal opinion of the thing, the satisfaction that comes from a job well done and well completed, is unparalleled. 

   Whats making me really happy is that the first election that we conducted a few months back was fraught with endless problems. As soon as that got over, this second one began and I swore to myself that I will not let things go that way this time.. Each day of the past two months, this thought remained with me and there were many times when I felt we are entering  a similar sticky situation. I drove my team very hard - late nights, no weekends, relentless..  I know how much they must hate me for all that. But today, when all stakeholders concerned come and thank you and congratulate you for doing a decent job, when your team itself is satisfied with their own work  and most importantly, things go off without a glitch.. you feel like a proud parent - after a successful delivery!!

The Finale.. Almost

Uff.. the tension, the stress, the phone calls, the complaints, the MADNESS and then.. finally, the relief.... Boss, conducting elections is NOT a joke. If one has to work like this all their lives, it is bound to make one go mad. I am actually beginning to think that despite its theoretical soundness, democracy as a form of governance is something that the Chinese have cleverly avoided and focussed all their energy and effort on education and health. I wonder if this state or even country would be at the same social indicators if this kind of effort had been thrown at say education??

Catharsis

     At the outset, i accept, no one can and should try and justify losing their temper. But when someone comes into your office every now and then, and tries to pressurize you to do something that you have to take time over, and speaks to you rudely on top of it, at a time when you've been working up frustrations for a while.. Well, I lost it and yelled my head off.

       Thinking of it now, it makes me laugh how both of us traded threats - he telling me how this'll cost me my job and I telling him to shut up and get out and how the two others standing inside quietly sneaked out leaving us to our shouting competition and the entire staff peering in through the glass door. The further away in time I am from the incident, the more stupid I feel and the more it makes me laugh. But I must admit that, keeping the 'right thing' and the 'maturity' I should maintain aside for a bit, that one good outburst was a real catharsis for all the negativity that's been building up for a while now. Out it spewed and refreshed me. What I'm afraid of is getting addicted to this. So easy to spew forth the venom but so hard to undo the damage. Hope I 'grow up' soon enough to inculcate this before  its too late!

New Places New Faces

     Its funny how one ends up making friends in the most unexpected ways and most unlikely places. The only problem is, because of its very nature of unlikeliness, its highly misunderstood. And sometimes, it becomes very challenging to strike a balance between 'its my personal life and others can take a hike' and 'oh my god, now everyone'll know and what'll they think'. I'm not quite sure when I'll learn to fine tune this.. But I got to say, I consider myself really lucky, because I know that people go through their entire careers not being able to find someone to even talk to..