More than sum of its parts

   Sometimes, you plan something with a certain vision in mind.. putting bits and pieces of ideas heard here and there into a bigger design for more impact.. you think its a bit idealistic, but you tell yourself, what the hell, at least the planning should aim big.. but be mentally prepared that in this set up and given the scale and the number of moving parts to this, its likely to achieve about 50-60% of what you planned. But hey! 60% is so much more than 0! So go give it a shot! So, after this little pep talk to self, you go ahead and give it a try. 

   And oh my god, it works out better than even you imagined!  Do you know what that feels like?? Its un-damn-believable! Filled with a huge sense of gratitude and sheer happiness, I want to write about the menstrual hygiene and adolescent  health programme we have been running.

   The base idea was of an officer who had done a similar thing elsewhere. The model was different, but content was 50% same. Then I remember reading about identifying anaemic girls early, specially in hostel students. Then a bunch of enthusiastic kids of an ngo came to meet me, as a courtesy and it stuck in my head somewhere that this was their field of interest. Putting all these three together, we chalked up a programme in which girls and their mothers will be spoken to about menstrual hygiene in their school, by a bunch of med school students and health team will also go and test their hb. Knowing the taboos and shame attached with this topic, I really didnt expect great turn out of moms or frank discussions post lecture. I also expected that the trainings will go as trainings usually do - one way talk, monologue-ish and wrap up. 

   I was so wrong! These kids, despite being young, were docs, in their lab coats and steths. It made everyone, students, teachers , moms all take them seriously. And these wonderful kids, came up with so many little little ideas to break the ice with the girls like singing, telling jokes, etc. Some even went ahead and involved the boys, did check ups and counselling for moms who had gynae issues! The way they went about it is a great example of the difference between doing something from the heart and doing something in a routine way. It may not sound like much and most certainly cant be explained in a training. But you have to be there to see this to get how well it is being conducted. 

   The idea of getting their hb checked.. I am so glad we added that because it turns out that almost 1% of the girls are severely anaemic. About 12 of them were less than 5 hb and were taken for blood transfusion immediately. The kind of data coming out is also informative. For instance, 58% of the severely anaemic girls are from the same region! Majority of the anaemic kids are around the age when they hit puberty - 12 to 13 years and many cases of amenorrhea. We also managed to get over a 100 moms to share other health issues for which they have never gone to a hospital. Listing their details and following them up, they have gotten treatment for the first time ever. 

   What makes me happiest is that a third party like UNICEF does a random visit and decides to document it as a best practice and award this ngo of docs for their work. This whole thing is not just a case of good civil-society govt convergence or inter departmental coordination. It has turned out to be so much more than just the sum of its parts. And I love all of them for making this really work a 110%.

   

Library Lost

   Its a beautiful building, who's exterior facade is used for pre-wedding shoots (some new fad all couples seem to have these days, which hapless guests are forced to watch in recompense for the dinner we down at their wedding reception!) while the interior holds books dating back to the 1600s. Sadly, it is also one of the most forgotten institutions as far as government interest goes. 

   The regular influx of new books has left it with little space which isn't taken up with bookshelves. Some rooms are literally filled with sacks of books stashed one upon the other, with no staff left to even indent them. The scores of students who come, aren't here for the heritage or the hardbacks. They are here looking for a quiet place to study. With nothing left in the name of a reading room, the corridors are lined with desks and chairs for them to use. 

   Despite this state of affairs, the sheer will and commitment of 2-3 people is keeping this library going.. and they are super excited with my visit. They show me around with pride.. some more people join us as we move from room to room.. these are the old timers who have been visiting this library for decades. Some have even retired from here and keep pitching in with their help whenever needed. 

   We reach a sort of verandah where I'm stumped to find a massive, 10, maybe 12 feet statue of Queen Victoria in marble. Apparently, this library was originally opened as a museum in her name, in the late 1800s. Hence, the statue. Post independence, it was seen as a mark of British subjugation and removed from its prime spot at the entrance. Today she stands in the yard, book in hand, not knowing what to do!

   Moving on, we go upstairs and they bring me the oldest book in the collection, dating back to 1665! The pages are so brittle that turning them reminds me of the first time I held my tiny newborn baby in my arms. There are some with beautifully painted gold inscriptions, travelogues written in an English which we do not recognise fully today, coffee table books of yore (that's not what they were called then!) showcasing a Bombay Horse and Cattle show and plenty other wonderful treasures!

   By now I have made up my mind to do something about this place. They say, whatever happens, happens for the best. And so it is, even if we dont realise it then. My little tenure in a place whose basic work was preservation of precious manuscripts and the people it brought me in touch with sprang to my mind immediately. With luck, I am able to mobilise funds from two sources under my control and reach out to my erstwhile colleagues for chalking out a plan of action. Its been about a month since my visit now, the plan is in place and we are ready to start working on it.

   If all goes well, we will find a new and separate reading room for all the exam - giving students, digitized books so that they do not have to be manually handled any more, scientific preservation of the older lot and a gallery showcasing some of the rare books and manuscripts unique to this library, within 6 months. Fingers crossed!

Catching up

   Two months nearly since the elections got over. Back to regular work. Time just flies. What have I been upto for two months now? If I look at it backwards, there has been 1 ill-timed and serious issue with bus burning and lathi charges. A very strange and inexplicable case indeed.. but one that cannot be discussed on a public forum.

   There was one trip to study the different kinds of models of implementing a particular scheme. That was interesting in so many ways. Firstly, to get to step outside of one's own pond and see how the rest of the world approaches the same problem in many different ways was really refreshing and educational. In fact, this should be made a standard practice. Secondly, the visit gave a shocking revelation into the ways things can be manipulated to serve vested interests.. or at least that's what it seemed like to me! 

   Thirdly, it was great to meet some people I hadn't met in decades! Age is a uniformly cruel thing.. but spirit is one's own. And it was inspiring, to say the least, to see how old friends and elders have kept up their spirits against all the odds that age and time throws at you.. and heartening to see how some relationships still haven't changed, because of the beautiful people in it. 

   Another dear-to-my-heart project on menstrual hygiene has been started. The planning for it nearly made me pop a nerve, but now that its underway, I am amazed myself at how smoothly its going despite the fact that the 4 odd departments/organisations involved were at loggerheads almost a week before its start! The response of the girls, their mothers is tremendous compared to what I expected.. The follow up mechanisms are also working, though a bit more tweaking is required and underway. The way the usually cynical media has appreciated and covered it has also surprised me. And now UNICEF wants to document it as a best practice. 

 A part of this time also went in visiting and commissioning works in an old and ignored library. This deserves a separate post, which I will write next. Another part of it went in a few field visits (not as many as I would like to) which were a great exposure for me. This place post rains is beautiful in a way that no one can imagine in this State. People are so diverse.. differences in dialects, customs, practices, expectations from the powers that be.. all of them are so varied within the boundaries of this 12000 sq kms. 

  It is also an eye opener into the cutting edge level service delivery issues.. which this place has plenty of. I have realised that just like Parkinson's Law, (Work expands to fill the time available for its completion), standards of service delivery tunes itself to the expectations and awareness of the people seeking those services, making sure that it is always at least one notch lower. So, in places where the latter is almost negligible, the standards of service delivery are.. well.. to put it mildly.. pathetic. Sometimes it all feels hopeless. But then, as a friend counselled, dont lose hope and keep at it. Sometimes the results will surprise you.. 

Last notable thing would be, as a broad category, to figure out gaps where ongoing schemes have not been reaching the intended beneficiary for a while and plug them. That part has been satisfying in the sense that things which got lost, somewhere in the maze of processes, could be salvaged and brought home, where it belongs. Compensation to more than 100 victims of certain crimes, scholarships to certain category of students (including 3700 orphans), sick patients on their death beds, incentives for immunising baby girls, certificates for a special category of people - these are done or nearly done. But what I am more excited about is that we are trying to build a way to figure out 100% reach in future. I am 'this' close to testing it.. If that succeeds, it will be really something!

Ideally, each of these should have gotten a separate entry.. but I haven't been able to write much the last two months and I am just compensating right now. 

have much to share.. but been whiling my free time with other things instead of blogging it down.. too late tonight. so just a checking in sort of post.. more later. 

Election 2019

   A lot of my posts in the past have been about elections and here I am, in yet another round of the same thing! But looking across almost 10 year old posts now.. its like watching your life, yourself in a film.. or some kind of an experimental study of personality across time.. 

   The same things which confounded me ten years ago, excited me five years ago, borders on been-there-done-that today. Almost makes me feel like a grandparent of sorts in this business. And when you reach this stage, the things that excited you earlier, now seem juvenile or amateurish, like a child in a candy store. 

   But being in a new place, in many ways, slightly more challenging than the earlier ones, the things that take up maximum attention is so different. A small town with not many visitors was easy in the sense that you had to focus more on your own work and bother relatively less about who's coming and going and what they are doing while they are in your area.. This time the most challenging thing was exactly this.. 

   The three biggies were all here, and for extra kick, all within the same 24 hours! And of course, the very same day got packed with all the other action the stars could muster! 6 am, commissioning work started and at 8 am a tragic loss of life and politics over the body, 10 am some statutory work which received which was objected to by someone who had no business to (and had to be sorted out by higher people), then came the visits one after the other, and their attendant consequences - people fighting over hotels, payments, last minute changes, permissions, preventive actions and what not - not once but thrice over, for each visitor! As the day wore on, action got thicker with some seniors asking for immediate report on some road work and another bunch of people sitting in another corner of this place decided to block some super important ongoing work related to water supply by sitting in front of the JCB till their demands are met. 

   All this went on simultaneously for over 24 hours and I think I crossed a landmark in the study of personality across time. I will remember this day as the day when everything came down together, and I didn't lose it. The day when phone calls were non-stop on some issue or the other and I actually amazed myself at the calm I felt as I took each call and didnt take out my irritation of one on another. It was not any greatness but just a clear realisation that if I dont keep myself together, everyone else will mess up. 

   Maybe in many ways elections is the same thing everywhere, but in some ways, it is very different also. So this elections the takeaway for me is not so much the election preparation and its enormity (which is, btw, 2.5 times the last time),etc, but the accompanying sudden and unexpected dramas, and the mental strength needed to manage everything smoothly. For this alone, I will remember the elections of 2019 as an emergence of a different, older, calmer me, in times of crises. 

'New Experiences' : too many for a day!

Random day at work..

   You're are referred back a matter which you have already half opined on and half its out of your jurisdiction / control to opine on. With directions to get technical experts' view on it. So you write a letter to the powers that control those technical experts. Felt normal. Felt right. But what do you get in return? A deeply offended said power that be for looping self into a possibly tricky decision making scene, looking to steer clear of this altogether!

   5 locations. Lunch. Reaches late at 1 venue. The reaction - you would think that these people haven't eaten for days! Breaking lines, fighting with each other, abusing organisers to their face.. I mean, lunch reached. It reached 2 hours late, but it reached. And of course, the ubiquitous cellphone was readily available to catch all the drama and have it circulated everywhere.

  A whatsapp group formed, cutting across hierarchies to monitor a grave situation. Point was to communicate and monitor complaints asap for the earliest possible redressal. And then someone wrote someone a letter which someone found demeaning (which I totally did not get) and decided to post it on the group.. and all of a sudden, a simple, official tool for improving efficiencies in the system snowballed and was on the verge of a full blown rebellion with others joining in the chorus of injustice! I am quite certain many of them wouldn't know what the hell they are supporting except that they are yes-sir-ing their boss. Managed to nip it off, but it left me amazed at the kind of day I was having!

   A call from someone claiming to be the relative (close one) of the highest post in the land.. wanting an appointment. They got one. And they wanted to share with me how hot this place has gotten for tourists and how a friend of theirs loaned someone 16 lakhs and now every time he asks for the money back, the loanee starts crying. I seriously dont know what they expected me to do about either of the things!

   

   I think I am missing some more nuggets out, but thats as much as my brain could store for a day I suppose. Shall add a post script if need be later. So thats been one crazy day, with so called new experiences.

Will the home be where the heart is?

   A drive through the meandering hill roads, flanked by these tall trees and their shedded leaves all around, making you feel like you have entered a desi version of Enid Blyton's whispering willows. The drive goes into and past this forest quiet and enters the flat foothills which opens out into a vast fertile plain with fields of golden wheat till the eyes can see..

   Nature never ceases to act as a calming balm for the sore soul.. This little village, at the border of two states, miles and miles away from humankind, away from the politics, away from any sort of interference.. it felt as though it is calling out to me.. 

   I wonder if this can be the post retirement life?  A piece of land, right here, to build a home on, to subsist here from farming this land and to spend the rest of my time working with people who need help and I maybe able to assist.. like the women and kids who keep coming to me every other day, with stories that depress me no end but I have to keep a control over my emotions and then try to find a way to take care of them as best as I can.. 

   I can do that all the time, without the other irritants which have to be catered to today.. that and the lack of any hospital close by would be such a wonderful way to die  - a life lived with meaning and contribution for the lesser privileged, without tests and tubes, passing on like my grandmother did..

Growing up

   Every now and then, my son does something which hits home that he's growing up and hitting milestones out of the park..

   Today, the boy who would NEVER wish guests or people good morning, leave alone wishing people on festivals, the boy who would never reply to a single question asked to him by anyone who's not immediate family, the boy who would cry if I made him go and play with other kids when we visit other people's homes stunned me. 

   I really wasnt wanting him to come along because in addition to all the social awkwardness from the above behaviour, he would also go to someone's place and throw a fit if he didn't get anything to eat! But he insisted so I let him tag along.. and oh my! never had I met that well-behaved child before who did everything we have been asking him to do for years - wishing others, touching their feet for blessings, replying to the questions he's asked and most surprisingly, obeying the commands of a 2 year old who wanted him to play with him! 

   My little rebel baby, who rebelled more out of fear of the unknown than anything else, is now grown up enough to feel comfortable around strangers he's meeting for the first or second time.. and interact in a socially meaningful way.. 

   You have suddenly become more articulate, more patient and more caring than I have seen you in all these years.. So proud of you for making this change in yourself my son, in your own way, at your own pace. 

Lies, damned lies and politics!

   I dont know when I will get used to people around me lying. Even after all these years, it catches me by complete surprise to find that someone is complaining about me saying that I did or said the  very opposite of what I actually did say or do. The heights of this naiveté is that it surprises  me so even when this is done by a politician!

   Today was one such bizarre day! The guy calls in the morning (10 am) asking me when I will be in office. I tell him I am available around 12. He tells me some issue with a village and how his guys got left out of the talks those villagers had with the administration a day ago. I tell him to give me the contact of those guys . He says he will send them to me. He asks if he needs to come. I say that he does not 'need' to come, we will talk to those guys. He agrees very cordially and we end the conversation - I describe this with this authority because I have the call recording!

   Next thing I know is the guy is sitting on the road with 200 people objecting to a lifeline project for the city. When our people go to talk to him, he tells them and everyone else listening that he is forced to do this because I have refused to meet him!!!! 

   I am totally stumped and fuming at this blatant lie! But maybe, now that I think about it, lying really isn't a big deal for people any more is it? Relations based on trust, personal or professional, are easily subverted or compromised to attain any other immediate goal, without thinking of its long term consequences.. 

   Tomorrow I may have to meet him.. I had reserved choicest words for him.. But now I am thinking, whats the point of wasting my health on him by hyperventilating. He is but a reflection of the state of affairs today.. Maybe the best response to his behaviour would be to greet him with a zen like stoic-ness, without letting his shenanigans get the better of me? Easier said than done though!

City Transport : Chasing mirages

   At first I was just trying to push it through as it was the 3rd tender in almost 2 years. I felt so close to finalising it , like just one step away! I could almost see the paper work in its final stage with just 2 signatures pending. But I have now hit a roadblock. And Im really annoyed. Now standing at this roadblock, even though its making me fume, its also making me think of better ways to model this. 

  Its interesting that when I go online, almost all research like literature available speaks of the lack of a mature reliable concession agreement for this activity despite its ample scope for PPPs.

  Immediately I am reminded of a document we drafted in education for PPP. Two months of intensive time and energy we poured into it, drafting each and every word ourselves, despite the option of outsourcing this to a consultant.. How proud I was of that piece of work.. only to be shelved because of political compulsions.. 

  Anyhow, that and those days are way behind me now.. Looking ahead, I hope to be able to find time to read and understand this sector a bit better and come up with a model that is a balance of doable, quick and sustainable, even if not absolutely ideal. 

Aim: Get at least some routes running before Diwali.

Jhadol-Kotda 26th Feb 2019

   Each visit brings with it something new.. there is so much to fix, but so little to do it with. I dont know if i have become more cynical and impatient than before or are things really worse here than elsewhere..

how do over 101 families in one gram panchayat not get grains for years together? How is it that Banking correspondents are taking a cut from pensioners' measly 500 / 750 rs and we dont talk or complain about it? how is it that panchayat level officers/workers take money so openly for something as procedural as Geo-tagging? how is it that any person fools all others into giving him money claiming to be able to get work done which he cannot? how is it an open secret than dealers open their shops for 3 days at a time only? and dont distribute the left outs as carry forwards next month?

1 patwari has charge of 6 GPs ! no E-mitra sits in panchayats like they are supposed to. what is this widespread ignorance? and how can one do anything about it?

Habit of Jotting

  Dad has often said to me that I should be writing my experiences down.. I have always felt that there are more number of people in my line of calling who love to talk about their experiences and themselves than the number of people actually willing to listen!! So I havent paid much heed to him. Even this blog, when I started it, it was about field related stories, but then with time, or rather no-time, it meandered..

   But today, after reading part of the book 'Not Just a Civil Servant', I have gotten a better appreciation for the idea of jotting down chief events.. Sometimes, even we don't realise the magnitude or even if not the magnitude, but the anecdotal value of some of the most interesting and unique experiences we tend to have in the normal course of life!

  While I am realising its value, I am not quite sure that I will be able to keep up with a regular habit in this.. but I hope to at least quit the meandering and be more current in my posts. The tricky part is the disclosure clause, which makes writing things openly difficult.. hope I am able to put things in a way that are decod-able at least for me few years down the line!

Change : the only constant

So much has changed since my last post - shifted 2 homes, got a small window of time with my better half only to be parted again in 4 months, a new profile, new city, new responsibilities..

It has been such a difficult time to come terms with so much of change in such a small space of time, and I am not proud of the fact that for the first time in a decade, I have complained about it. With difficulty, I have told myself to chin up, look ahead and do the best I can. 

Two months have rushed past. The task and place I am at is one of the most challenging assignments I have had so far and I have been trying to  put my all into it.. I have high standards of a series of predecessors to live up to.. In some cases, I am happy with the progress and in others I am still finding my way. But I dont know why, while my mind is fully dedicated to my work, my heart is still lurking below the optimal level it should be at.. 

Each day that I return home, my babies make my day, but after they go to bed and I retire to mine, it sinks lower and gets more and more restless. I dont know what it is seeking, but I have this the constant feeling of emptiness.. sense that something is not right.. 

Wish this would go away.. 

A Holiday Found

     Being married is one thing..  making it work is another.. and then there is another thing altogether -  discovering the wonders of being married in the simplest of things.. maybe its the effect of the O’s Book stories or maybe just a perfect confluence of time and opportunity..

    We were supposed to go for a small holiday (long weekend) which had to be cancelled for many reasons. Having lived apart for most of our lives, holidays taken together (few as they have been) was the way we built strength in our relationship. A holiday cancelled at first felt like a real waste of precious time we could have had together..

      

      Then the weekend arrived.. our ill boys recovered and we sat watching them chase each other around the house squealing with meaningless laughter.. we found ourselves enjoying an interesting book talk on the first evening out.. After years we went together to the vegetable market next morning and on finding it empty of customers at that hour, we strolled leisurely, picking out the freshest products together even as it drizzled around us.. the day after that, for the first time we went on a trek to a nearby forest. We joined a group of veteran trekkers and walked the semi-trails among the trees, through smokes of wispy clouds, soaking in the off again on again rain.. 7 kms and 4 hours sped past so fast..

    

    Three disjunct activities, weaved into our newfound usual routine, on a random weekend brought alive the power of the mundane in our lives.. making me realise that I don’t need a holiday to build a happy family. Cliched as it maybe, sharing space and smiles is what really matters.. and this doesn’t have to be done  on a holiday alone..

My Book of Happiness

   I was reading O's Book of Happiness the other day. I had just spent 2 nights and 3  days watching my son in excruciating pain, till the time tests and medicines could provide him a diagnosis and medicines. Each time the kids fall sick and I dont have medicine or science to turn to (since meds werent working), I get this feeling of extreme helplessness and frustration.. And each time that they do get better, their innocent sweet smiles, mischievous twinkle in their eyes return and I feel like all is well with the world again..

   In this book I read similar stories of simple things that people find joy in, things which are seemingly disproportionate in their incidence to the importance they find in someone's life - like a swim or like the way a lights out pulls the family together leaving behind a happy memory or realising the pointlessness of things we otherwise took for granted when faced with a life changing disease.. 

   I watched my kids as they dealt with their illnesses.. the elder one, who brought hell down on earth at the mention of an injection until 10 months ago (when he got his last shot), was suddenly grown up and squeezed back his tears, gritting his teeth silently as he got a canola inserted in his arm.. I told him baby its ok to cry, but he refused to let even a drop slip.. later he smiled at me, as if to say, dont worry, im alright. The younger one, too small to talk, but spent two days crying in pain, clinging to us helplessly. Then like sunshine after a storm, on the third day came a toothless smile, and a small jump and run.. he was back on his feet again!
   
     Happiness was that day for me, realising how much their smiles mean to me.. its an addiction.. one you dont want to grow out of.. there is nothing that touches one's soul the way an innocent child's innocent happy smile does.. I spent the whole day watching them and reading.. I know they will grow up very soon and this moment, this day will be lost to me forever.. realising this makes me want to stay like this, surrounded by their smiles, hugs and love, even more.. 

Not so Field Days Ahead

     A new place, new profile, new boss, new subordinates, new culture.. New is otherwise an old part of my job.. places and faces change, but the nature of the task, the responses of people, your team, in a broad way, was much the same.  but with this posting I have realised there is a whole other parallel universe where new takes on a literal meaning. 

     The first thing that hits you is the utter disregard of your subordinates. The arrogance of them knowing that people like us come and go and while we are there, we depend on their experience and expertise, is nothing short of amazing. There is much in one's life to be arrogant about if one wants.. but I have come to realise that the people who are actually that arrogant, are probably those who dont have much to be so arrogant about! 

     Then comes the widely differing working styles of a boss. Hands on vs Hands off, clarity vs silence, team building vs being on your own, close monitoring, proper guidance vs being on your own, grooming, teaching a new entrant vs being on your own, being called all the time to regular checks vs never being called and wondering all the time whether to take initiative or no. In short, a world of difference.

    

    Then the culture of superiority, as though all others are beholden to you.. the previous profiles had much more to feel superior about and yet, I find that the case is much more so here where it is actually counter productive in so many ways.. 

   As of today, in the middle of my second month here, I am still confused, learning the ropes very slowly with no clear direction or role model to emulate.. lets see where this goes.. will I become 'it' or will 'it' become me?! 

Overdue post about an overdue holiday

So a holiday, longgg time in the making, is finally over. The quiet, laidback, tucked away in a corner land of khajuraho.. When you visit the temples, sit through the light and sound show, one gets a feel of how the place must have been in the 10th century when this was built.. everything from scratch, inside a dense forest, lined with scores of date palms.. Solid mounds of granite must have been identified to serve as the foundation for the temples,  the thick vegetation then cleared, the artisans, or should I say artists, would have set up their little huts in a clearing nearby and soon the forest would have reverberated with the sounds of thousands of chisels chipping away at stones, day after day, year after year..

And then, just as the crescendo of work and workmanship mounted through time, slowly and surely did it die down as well.. time and tide wait for no one, nature reclaiming what was always its, at the same time respecting the creation of man just enough as to preserve it for our eyes..

The best part of the visit for me though, was the walk to the light and sound show and the coffee on the rooftop of raja Cafe with my beloved.. the walk back to the room through the cool night air.. Sitting on the rooftop of the Cafe, it struck me that nothing would be a better holiday for me than coming here for another week, with just my beloved and spending the hot days in the room, working through my laptop and spending the early mornings and evenings walking around the village that is khajuraho, soaking in the wonderful amalgamation of the ancient sculptures with modern food..

An experience to remember..

Who would have thought that the worst nightmare was yet to come? Lulled into a sense of security by past experiences about my abilities to handle all sorts of people, I am so stunned and amazed at the sheer audacity of the opposition I am facing.. Little did I realise that I was interfering with a well settled pecking order.. an order where she speaks and you listen and you sign. Thats it. There better not be anything more than that.

What beats me and what I ask myself everyday is, why on earth am I here?

I wrote these lines a week ago in frustration.. and let it sit without publishing, hoping that this anger will pass in a few weeks. But better still, yesterday I got absolved of my duties altogether.. the very first 'kicking-out' posting of mine! 

I suppose I was expecting this.. writing was clear on the wall. But like a mentor told me, in the face of adversity, the best thing to do is put your head down, work hard and build credibility among the people you are there to serve. I tried to do that and the love and anguished messages I am getting from people of different walks of life has surprised and moved me.. 

2 months is like a blink of an eye in this profile. The rule of thumb is, first 3 months, just get to know the place, things and issues. Dont do anything drastic. But for the machinery, these first 3 months are also crucial in terms of setting of expectations and goals for subordinates. So while I tried not to do anything 'drastic' I found myself up against the most audacious and difficult challenge I have ever faced. I tried to put that aside and focus on getting the machinery moving. There was so much to do... We achieved a lot in this time.. but I still didnt expect that the message of my work, enough to build a certain credibility, would have reached throughout the jurisdiction. 

Oh there are many who are celebrating! And I dont grudge them their happiness - people dont like to be shifted from their comfort zone very easily. But my initial euphoria at getting out of this situation has slowly been replaced by a sadness.. the support and love that the place and its people are showing me is no less than what I received from another profile at which I got to work for a whole year. People sending me photos of what my interventions have achieved, criticizing this decision as inimical to the people.. 

From the beginning of my time here the thing that has struck me the most is the decency of the people here, which unfortunately is in some ways responsible for the poor delivery by a dull machinery. At the same time, the machinery was more responsive to my call to work than I expected.. There was so much to do.. and we were just getting started... I really want this sadness to leave me so I go to the new place and take on the new tasks full of energy.. I dont want to come back to a profile like this because it is too difficult to part like this.. its like seeing the seed you've sown get yanked out and thrown while your hands are tied up so you cant stop it.. 

Murphy and his antics

Ironic that my very next post after this is about an exactly opposite time in my life.. Less than 2 weeks after that post, I get transferred.. To the very post I warned against the addiction of.. Murphy just has a way of finding his way into everything!

This ill timed shift coincided with a looonnnngg holiday my parents took with my kids , far away from me for almost a month and a half.. leaving me alone in this new place to cope with some of the toughest people and situations I have ever had to.. 

A good weekend's chronicle for posterity

One has heard/read a lot about the dullness that domestic life instills in one.. often it is seen as the factor limiting one's ability to reach a higher place at a faster pace.. maybe its true.. but what I want to share here is that many times when I speak to friends after a long gap and they ask me 'how is life?', I catch myself saying, 'Oh, you know, the same old usual.. office, kids.. time just flies'. And time has surely flown, the only telltale sign it has left behind is how much my babies have grown up!

Today is just one of those lazy Sundays.. Wake up late, breakfast with the family and then while younger one naps, do homework with the elder one. That essentially means that he does his work and I give him company doing some reading or work stuff of my own. Then off he hops to play with his friend nextdoor.. The younger one wakes up and his rituals begin - feeding, oiling, bathing, playing and then feeding again, before its time for his next nap. I of course, sit with my Kindle while those in charge bustle about me with all the activity that this entails. Lunch and the next nap almost coincide.. if there is no news of the elder one, it means he has decided to share his friend's lunch! 

Somedays, this is the time I pop in to cook something I fancy for dinner.. or like today, I sit down to blog after ages!! The next steps of my weekend will be like this - elder one returns, younger one wakes up, about the same time.. from then till they sleep around 8, they will play together (or apart when the elder one finds company for badminton or football), they'll eat together and quite often even dance together, regaling us all with their tricks and moves and newfound habits. Then off to bed and wake up next morning to a new week of work & school.

It took a few months for the schedule to settle down.. lots of teething troubles when we began our life in a new place 10 months ago. But now that it has, I cannot help but thank whoever there is to thank in this universe, for the pleasure of these small things.. My kids arent going to be this young always, we are not going to be this healthy always, emotions are not going to flow quietly under the bridge when kids hit their teens and life.. isnt going to be as simple as it feels now, always.. The more regular and 'dull' my weekends are, the more deeply aware I am of the fleeting nature of stability in life.. Such is the sense of comfort I feel that I just do not miss the action and thrill of my previous posts at all.. People always tell you that certain postings are addictive for the grandeur, respect and action they bring.. I have seen people to consider themselves finished once they have been moved out of such posts.. I only wish that all such people find their bliss, if not in their work , then may be in the wonderful world of domesticity..

I have come to think that Florence Nightingale's words are truly inspired when she says,

"The greatest heroes are those who do their duty in the daily grind of domestic affairs whilst the world whirls as a maddening dreidel".

I must hasten to add that my love for my home and family has not detracted one bit from my love for my current work.. but thats another story for another day!