The Other Life

Spent a luxurious half hour watching Jamie Olivier whip up a gorgeous meal of something I can neither spell nor pronounce. Sometimes I try to imagine how my life would be if I wasnt working. And on days like this, when everyone and everything seems to be turning against me, Jamie Olivier sent me to a world of bright sunny kitchens joyous smells and happy gurgles of people with filled tummys. 

And I would be dishonest if I didnt admit that on many occasions I dream, even now, of packing of everyone at home to their respective day time institutions and sitting down to enjoy a quite cup of tea on late mornings, maybe the morning paper in hand, with the sun streaming down through a blue painted window.. tiny potted plants on the sill.. some peppy jazz playing in the background maybe.. after a while of doing absolutely nothing, surf out a new recipe to try from my fav websites, have a roast in the oven and a pot or two of something delectable boiling away on the stove like Jamie,  pull something out of the vegetable garden and chop chop chop, throw it into the boiling pot of bliss..

Enjoy a scrumptuous meal, read all my piled up books on the reading list, take a walk on a wind swept street, buy some goodies on a whim from a tiny corner shop... catch every movie, every play that I want to, return home to a typical family, some fighting, some teasing, some laughing, enjoy quiet moments with my better half and fall off into an exhausted slumber..  

I know, the grass is always greener on the other side, but right now, that 'brighter green' is like a shining beacon in my life.. beckoning, tempting me.. sigh.. 

Dreadful inspections

Every once in a while, one is shaken out of the feeling of job satisfaction by a strange turn of events. These strange turns have a penchant for appearing particularly during inspections of superiors. Having managed two such inspections well in the recent past, and having worked hard and happy with the results on the issues which were coming up for inspection again, i was quite confident that this one would be smooth sailing too... how terribly wrong I was!!

Its time now to learn that work doesnt always speak for itself. Projection is vital. More than anything else. If you stumble at that moment, all your work is brought to dust. I cant remember when I felt so demoralised last in life.. To be told that all that youve consistently worked for, over the last 4 months is rubbish, and when you yourself dont think so.. its depressing. What can you do other than explain? But what use is explanation that falls on deaf ears? 

I dont know.. I dont know how to project.. I like to take people to the site of work, and make them see for themselves rather than explain in words, facts, figures. That has always worked so far.. But this time it didnt and I'm foxed. Dont know where to go from here, what to do next.. Its an awful feeling.. like I let my team down by not being able to put forward their achievements properly.. 

I wish I could undo yesterday's happenings.. but I cant.. I have to find a way to crawl out of this hole I've fallen into, of depression and self pity.. I have to make myself remember that I do what I do not for accolades (though they wouldnt hurt!!) but for the sake of what is good and what is right. For, cliched as it sounds these days, the people. I have to remember that, hold onto that thought... because if anything can pull me up again ever, it is this thought alone.. to keep my real objective in mind..