A Holiday Found

     Being married is one thing..  making it work is another.. and then there is another thing altogether -  discovering the wonders of being married in the simplest of things.. maybe its the effect of the O’s Book stories or maybe just a perfect confluence of time and opportunity..

    We were supposed to go for a small holiday (long weekend) which had to be cancelled for many reasons. Having lived apart for most of our lives, holidays taken together (few as they have been) was the way we built strength in our relationship. A holiday cancelled at first felt like a real waste of precious time we could have had together..

      

      Then the weekend arrived.. our ill boys recovered and we sat watching them chase each other around the house squealing with meaningless laughter.. we found ourselves enjoying an interesting book talk on the first evening out.. After years we went together to the vegetable market next morning and on finding it empty of customers at that hour, we strolled leisurely, picking out the freshest products together even as it drizzled around us.. the day after that, for the first time we went on a trek to a nearby forest. We joined a group of veteran trekkers and walked the semi-trails among the trees, through smokes of wispy clouds, soaking in the off again on again rain.. 7 kms and 4 hours sped past so fast..

    

    Three disjunct activities, weaved into our newfound usual routine, on a random weekend brought alive the power of the mundane in our lives.. making me realise that I don’t need a holiday to build a happy family. Cliched as it maybe, sharing space and smiles is what really matters.. and this doesn’t have to be done  on a holiday alone..

My Book of Happiness

   I was reading O's Book of Happiness the other day. I had just spent 2 nights and 3  days watching my son in excruciating pain, till the time tests and medicines could provide him a diagnosis and medicines. Each time the kids fall sick and I dont have medicine or science to turn to (since meds werent working), I get this feeling of extreme helplessness and frustration.. And each time that they do get better, their innocent sweet smiles, mischievous twinkle in their eyes return and I feel like all is well with the world again..

   In this book I read similar stories of simple things that people find joy in, things which are seemingly disproportionate in their incidence to the importance they find in someone's life - like a swim or like the way a lights out pulls the family together leaving behind a happy memory or realising the pointlessness of things we otherwise took for granted when faced with a life changing disease.. 

   I watched my kids as they dealt with their illnesses.. the elder one, who brought hell down on earth at the mention of an injection until 10 months ago (when he got his last shot), was suddenly grown up and squeezed back his tears, gritting his teeth silently as he got a canola inserted in his arm.. I told him baby its ok to cry, but he refused to let even a drop slip.. later he smiled at me, as if to say, dont worry, im alright. The younger one, too small to talk, but spent two days crying in pain, clinging to us helplessly. Then like sunshine after a storm, on the third day came a toothless smile, and a small jump and run.. he was back on his feet again!
   
     Happiness was that day for me, realising how much their smiles mean to me.. its an addiction.. one you dont want to grow out of.. there is nothing that touches one's soul the way an innocent child's innocent happy smile does.. I spent the whole day watching them and reading.. I know they will grow up very soon and this moment, this day will be lost to me forever.. realising this makes me want to stay like this, surrounded by their smiles, hugs and love, even more.. 

Not so Field Days Ahead

     A new place, new profile, new boss, new subordinates, new culture.. New is otherwise an old part of my job.. places and faces change, but the nature of the task, the responses of people, your team, in a broad way, was much the same.  but with this posting I have realised there is a whole other parallel universe where new takes on a literal meaning. 

     The first thing that hits you is the utter disregard of your subordinates. The arrogance of them knowing that people like us come and go and while we are there, we depend on their experience and expertise, is nothing short of amazing. There is much in one's life to be arrogant about if one wants.. but I have come to realise that the people who are actually that arrogant, are probably those who dont have much to be so arrogant about! 

     Then comes the widely differing working styles of a boss. Hands on vs Hands off, clarity vs silence, team building vs being on your own, close monitoring, proper guidance vs being on your own, grooming, teaching a new entrant vs being on your own, being called all the time to regular checks vs never being called and wondering all the time whether to take initiative or no. In short, a world of difference.

    

    Then the culture of superiority, as though all others are beholden to you.. the previous profiles had much more to feel superior about and yet, I find that the case is much more so here where it is actually counter productive in so many ways.. 

   As of today, in the middle of my second month here, I am still confused, learning the ropes very slowly with no clear direction or role model to emulate.. lets see where this goes.. will I become 'it' or will 'it' become me?! 

Overdue post about an overdue holiday

So a holiday, longgg time in the making, is finally over. The quiet, laidback, tucked away in a corner land of khajuraho.. When you visit the temples, sit through the light and sound show, one gets a feel of how the place must have been in the 10th century when this was built.. everything from scratch, inside a dense forest, lined with scores of date palms.. Solid mounds of granite must have been identified to serve as the foundation for the temples,  the thick vegetation then cleared, the artisans, or should I say artists, would have set up their little huts in a clearing nearby and soon the forest would have reverberated with the sounds of thousands of chisels chipping away at stones, day after day, year after year..

And then, just as the crescendo of work and workmanship mounted through time, slowly and surely did it die down as well.. time and tide wait for no one, nature reclaiming what was always its, at the same time respecting the creation of man just enough as to preserve it for our eyes..

The best part of the visit for me though, was the walk to the light and sound show and the coffee on the rooftop of raja Cafe with my beloved.. the walk back to the room through the cool night air.. Sitting on the rooftop of the Cafe, it struck me that nothing would be a better holiday for me than coming here for another week, with just my beloved and spending the hot days in the room, working through my laptop and spending the early mornings and evenings walking around the village that is khajuraho, soaking in the wonderful amalgamation of the ancient sculptures with modern food..

An experience to remember..

Who would have thought that the worst nightmare was yet to come? Lulled into a sense of security by past experiences about my abilities to handle all sorts of people, I am so stunned and amazed at the sheer audacity of the opposition I am facing.. Little did I realise that I was interfering with a well settled pecking order.. an order where she speaks and you listen and you sign. Thats it. There better not be anything more than that.

What beats me and what I ask myself everyday is, why on earth am I here?

I wrote these lines a week ago in frustration.. and let it sit without publishing, hoping that this anger will pass in a few weeks. But better still, yesterday I got absolved of my duties altogether.. the very first 'kicking-out' posting of mine! 

I suppose I was expecting this.. writing was clear on the wall. But like a mentor told me, in the face of adversity, the best thing to do is put your head down, work hard and build credibility among the people you are there to serve. I tried to do that and the love and anguished messages I am getting from people of different walks of life has surprised and moved me.. 

2 months is like a blink of an eye in this profile. The rule of thumb is, first 3 months, just get to know the place, things and issues. Dont do anything drastic. But for the machinery, these first 3 months are also crucial in terms of setting of expectations and goals for subordinates. So while I tried not to do anything 'drastic' I found myself up against the most audacious and difficult challenge I have ever faced. I tried to put that aside and focus on getting the machinery moving. There was so much to do... We achieved a lot in this time.. but I still didnt expect that the message of my work, enough to build a certain credibility, would have reached throughout the jurisdiction. 

Oh there are many who are celebrating! And I dont grudge them their happiness - people dont like to be shifted from their comfort zone very easily. But my initial euphoria at getting out of this situation has slowly been replaced by a sadness.. the support and love that the place and its people are showing me is no less than what I received from another profile at which I got to work for a whole year. People sending me photos of what my interventions have achieved, criticizing this decision as inimical to the people.. 

From the beginning of my time here the thing that has struck me the most is the decency of the people here, which unfortunately is in some ways responsible for the poor delivery by a dull machinery. At the same time, the machinery was more responsive to my call to work than I expected.. There was so much to do.. and we were just getting started... I really want this sadness to leave me so I go to the new place and take on the new tasks full of energy.. I dont want to come back to a profile like this because it is too difficult to part like this.. its like seeing the seed you've sown get yanked out and thrown while your hands are tied up so you cant stop it.. 

Murphy and his antics

Ironic that my very next post after this is about an exactly opposite time in my life.. Less than 2 weeks after that post, I get transferred.. To the very post I warned against the addiction of.. Murphy just has a way of finding his way into everything!

This ill timed shift coincided with a looonnnngg holiday my parents took with my kids , far away from me for almost a month and a half.. leaving me alone in this new place to cope with some of the toughest people and situations I have ever had to.. 

A good weekend's chronicle for posterity

One has heard/read a lot about the dullness that domestic life instills in one.. often it is seen as the factor limiting one's ability to reach a higher place at a faster pace.. maybe its true.. but what I want to share here is that many times when I speak to friends after a long gap and they ask me 'how is life?', I catch myself saying, 'Oh, you know, the same old usual.. office, kids.. time just flies'. And time has surely flown, the only telltale sign it has left behind is how much my babies have grown up!

Today is just one of those lazy Sundays.. Wake up late, breakfast with the family and then while younger one naps, do homework with the elder one. That essentially means that he does his work and I give him company doing some reading or work stuff of my own. Then off he hops to play with his friend nextdoor.. The younger one wakes up and his rituals begin - feeding, oiling, bathing, playing and then feeding again, before its time for his next nap. I of course, sit with my Kindle while those in charge bustle about me with all the activity that this entails. Lunch and the next nap almost coincide.. if there is no news of the elder one, it means he has decided to share his friend's lunch! 

Somedays, this is the time I pop in to cook something I fancy for dinner.. or like today, I sit down to blog after ages!! The next steps of my weekend will be like this - elder one returns, younger one wakes up, about the same time.. from then till they sleep around 8, they will play together (or apart when the elder one finds company for badminton or football), they'll eat together and quite often even dance together, regaling us all with their tricks and moves and newfound habits. Then off to bed and wake up next morning to a new week of work & school.

It took a few months for the schedule to settle down.. lots of teething troubles when we began our life in a new place 10 months ago. But now that it has, I cannot help but thank whoever there is to thank in this universe, for the pleasure of these small things.. My kids arent going to be this young always, we are not going to be this healthy always, emotions are not going to flow quietly under the bridge when kids hit their teens and life.. isnt going to be as simple as it feels now, always.. The more regular and 'dull' my weekends are, the more deeply aware I am of the fleeting nature of stability in life.. Such is the sense of comfort I feel that I just do not miss the action and thrill of my previous posts at all.. People always tell you that certain postings are addictive for the grandeur, respect and action they bring.. I have seen people to consider themselves finished once they have been moved out of such posts.. I only wish that all such people find their bliss, if not in their work , then may be in the wonderful world of domesticity..

I have come to think that Florence Nightingale's words are truly inspired when she says,

"The greatest heroes are those who do their duty in the daily grind of domestic affairs whilst the world whirls as a maddening dreidel".

I must hasten to add that my love for my home and family has not detracted one bit from my love for my current work.. but thats another story for another day!