A Holiday Found

     Being married is one thing..  making it work is another.. and then there is another thing altogether -  discovering the wonders of being married in the simplest of things.. maybe its the effect of the O’s Book stories or maybe just a perfect confluence of time and opportunity..

    We were supposed to go for a small holiday (long weekend) which had to be cancelled for many reasons. Having lived apart for most of our lives, holidays taken together (few as they have been) was the way we built strength in our relationship. A holiday cancelled at first felt like a real waste of precious time we could have had together..

      

      Then the weekend arrived.. our ill boys recovered and we sat watching them chase each other around the house squealing with meaningless laughter.. we found ourselves enjoying an interesting book talk on the first evening out.. After years we went together to the vegetable market next morning and on finding it empty of customers at that hour, we strolled leisurely, picking out the freshest products together even as it drizzled around us.. the day after that, for the first time we went on a trek to a nearby forest. We joined a group of veteran trekkers and walked the semi-trails among the trees, through smokes of wispy clouds, soaking in the off again on again rain.. 7 kms and 4 hours sped past so fast..

    

    Three disjunct activities, weaved into our newfound usual routine, on a random weekend brought alive the power of the mundane in our lives.. making me realise that I don’t need a holiday to build a happy family. Cliched as it maybe, sharing space and smiles is what really matters.. and this doesn’t have to be done  on a holiday alone..

My Book of Happiness

   I was reading O's Book of Happiness the other day. I had just spent 2 nights and 3  days watching my son in excruciating pain, till the time tests and medicines could provide him a diagnosis and medicines. Each time the kids fall sick and I dont have medicine or science to turn to (since meds werent working), I get this feeling of extreme helplessness and frustration.. And each time that they do get better, their innocent sweet smiles, mischievous twinkle in their eyes return and I feel like all is well with the world again..

   In this book I read similar stories of simple things that people find joy in, things which are seemingly disproportionate in their incidence to the importance they find in someone's life - like a swim or like the way a lights out pulls the family together leaving behind a happy memory or realising the pointlessness of things we otherwise took for granted when faced with a life changing disease.. 

   I watched my kids as they dealt with their illnesses.. the elder one, who brought hell down on earth at the mention of an injection until 10 months ago (when he got his last shot), was suddenly grown up and squeezed back his tears, gritting his teeth silently as he got a canola inserted in his arm.. I told him baby its ok to cry, but he refused to let even a drop slip.. later he smiled at me, as if to say, dont worry, im alright. The younger one, too small to talk, but spent two days crying in pain, clinging to us helplessly. Then like sunshine after a storm, on the third day came a toothless smile, and a small jump and run.. he was back on his feet again!
   
     Happiness was that day for me, realising how much their smiles mean to me.. its an addiction.. one you dont want to grow out of.. there is nothing that touches one's soul the way an innocent child's innocent happy smile does.. I spent the whole day watching them and reading.. I know they will grow up very soon and this moment, this day will be lost to me forever.. realising this makes me want to stay like this, surrounded by their smiles, hugs and love, even more.. 

Not so Field Days Ahead

     A new place, new profile, new boss, new subordinates, new culture.. New is otherwise an old part of my job.. places and faces change, but the nature of the task, the responses of people, your team, in a broad way, was much the same.  but with this posting I have realised there is a whole other parallel universe where new takes on a literal meaning. 

     The first thing that hits you is the utter disregard of your subordinates. The arrogance of them knowing that people like us come and go and while we are there, we depend on their experience and expertise, is nothing short of amazing. There is much in one's life to be arrogant about if one wants.. but I have come to realise that the people who are actually that arrogant, are probably those who dont have much to be so arrogant about! 

     Then comes the widely differing working styles of a boss. Hands on vs Hands off, clarity vs silence, team building vs being on your own, close monitoring, proper guidance vs being on your own, grooming, teaching a new entrant vs being on your own, being called all the time to regular checks vs never being called and wondering all the time whether to take initiative or no. In short, a world of difference.

    

    Then the culture of superiority, as though all others are beholden to you.. the previous profiles had much more to feel superior about and yet, I find that the case is much more so here where it is actually counter productive in so many ways.. 

   As of today, in the middle of my second month here, I am still confused, learning the ropes very slowly with no clear direction or role model to emulate.. lets see where this goes.. will I become 'it' or will 'it' become me?!