Decisions, decisions!

What a week! A nearby place had 2 of their dams breach and all that water comes into a major dam where I work, which itself is ancient and earthen.It breached too. This breach along with the sudden unexpected quantities of rain threatened to break the damn dam. To add to the agony, at the very same time we had 3 other cases of people getting stuck in an island like place, surrounded by water, no way to get out because of the sudden and excess rain. Had to call in RAC from neighbouring district for one place, the Army for another and our own rescue team in the third.

Luckily, I mean very luckily, the dam held up and no casualties amongst those stranded either. I will remember this day for years to come..

What I realised during this ordeal was that when this dam started leaking, I went there and there was an SE, 2 Ex Ens and a bunch of A.Ens from irrigation department there. While they were doing whatever they could with sandbags, it wasn't helping. It was only after I reached and discussed the matter with them that they came out with the real picture that for various reasons it appears to be better NOT to fix the leak when its raining so much! But no one stopped trying to fix it because that was just the usual thing to do. It was only a after they heard it from my mouth - go ahead and stop fixing that leak, start breaking another part of the dam for water outlet - that they jumped to action.

I'm no engineer. I just spoke to them and weighed the two sides they gave me and feedback from villagers standing there.. it is surprising that a complete generalist has to take the decision even for technical things. I find this to be the case in the smallest and biggest of things. No one wants the burden of a decision on them. So my post steps in. We generalists take those damned decisions. In that sense, its a warped job but since thats how the system is, you are contributing everyday and that gives some work satisfaction.

One man and his goats.

One man. 4 goats. Torrential rain. Equals what? Equals to the man and his goats being stranded on a mini island created by incessant rain and the entire administration running around trying to pull him out of there safely. We were unable to with the resources available in my jurisdiction so we needed help from outside. Thats when I decide to visit the spot to see the level and kind of assistance we would need first hand. The flip side of authority is people dont want to tell you even if you are walking into a damn minefield, because it isnt appropriate to question a senior. Or maybe they kept quiet about what lay ahead just to get back at me for some shouting I must have done at some point or something.

Either ways, there I was, oblivious to the slush that lay before me, trudging 2 kms down to the point from where the stranded one could be seen. No one warned us that there is no route, proper or improper to get there. As we walked on, we stumbled through feet high water in clayey paddy fields, getting soaked to the skin in the rain and legs covered in mud.. it was a crazy crazy thing to do.. but I dont know why, it took me back to my childhood in a way. Even though I hadnt ever been in a situation as precarious as this, the constant drizzle, the cold wind and drenched clothes all reminded me of the many monsoons I spent in the western ghats. 

Maybe , if I had a better idea of what I was getting into I wouldnt have gone right to that spot. But Im glad I did. I realised that I love being 'there' when something is wrong, someone needs help. I need to see things with my own eyes, specially if its getting to be a bigger issue than what we anticipated initially. Another thing which probably compels me to go on site is that each time Ive been on such a scene, I have realised that while people gather around in troves, they are usually by-standers. Its only when someone steps up as their leader that they start contributing to the solution. Each time I have walked into such a situation, I have noticed that given my post, people immediately submit themselves to my leadership. They rely on this post to get things done, to sort issues out. And they willingly contribute the best they can as we ask of them. Thats why I have never found it a waste of my time or effort to go to the crisis spot.  It also creates a wonderful feeling of being in one team together. 

Anyhow, we reached the spot, realised there was nothing we could do for the man with the goat from there and trudged all the way back. Found another spot from where a boat could be let into the river. As soon as the rescue team arrived from the neighbouring district, the boat was taken up to the man and he was safely removed from there after being stranded for over 24 hours. Soon as the boat got into the water, I left my deputy in charge and rushed back home to get out of the mud soaked, wet clothes I had been shivering in for over 3 hours - which I didnt have a chance of changing in the village, with so many people thronging around, and of course, because I had no change either!

On the way back, I tried to think back to what precipitated it all. What I realised, Im still not sure whether to be angry at the man or laugh my guts out.. even as the water rose and he had a chance to get out, that man, btw his name is Bablu, decided to stay on that piece of mini island to safeguard his 4 goats! There was enough for the goats to eat over there without his supervision. Why couldnt he just get out and go back when the rain abated? What the hell was he thinking - that in the worst case, he will be able to swim ashore with his goats on his shoulders??? One man. Had about a 100 people on their toes for 12 hours thanks to his love of his goats.  The human race, never ceases to amaze me! 

Awakening..

I was just reading a blog that I used to write many years ago.. I am not sure what made me do so, but Im feeling kind of.. awakened after reading it. I used to write it when I was just out of college and just by my writing I come across to myself as someone with.. a mind of their own, a strong sense of self and most importantly a lack of inhibition and openness, something which is completely removed from me now. 

When I was in college,  we used to have alumni come and speak about how college days are best and once you start working , how life changes you radically etc etc. Like every college kid I used to think to myself, I am never going to turn into this cynical old foggie! I am going to live life to the fullest always! And today, just reading what I wrote so many years ago and comparing it with my writing now, the change is so clear and apparent! Today, I am so guarded, so devoid of a writing style (not that I had some great style earlier, but at least it was distinctive and occasionally funny), such lack of humour, so... bogged down.. thats the accurate word actually.. even in those days I had my share of ups and downs, and spent a lot of time  cribbing about a lot of things, but somehow, there was some.. 'spunk' even in the saddest or angriest entries. Just reading them has made me realise how old and tired I have become... but actually, I'm not that old also, hello!!!!

So, I started going into a rewind of the time that has passed between the last entry in that blog and the first one in this.. revisited some places that I probably shouldnt have.. but anyway, having done so nevertheless, I began to realise that there's been so much that has actually changed.. I mean I always knew that it has, but it kind of dawned upon me like a big time realisation.. In that blog, Ive written about a  couple of people who were important part of my life then and its so.. grown up that some of them, while still being in touch, its just not the same and with some others, things ended, and ended badly too. I mean, in this short span of about 6-7 years, literally every single thing about my life has changed. From the work I do to the people I share my life with, to the kind of lifestyle.. every damn thing.. 

It feels so strange, to be the same person technically, but to have an entirely different life! I guess thats a dream come true for many people but in my case, Im just kind of sorry that it happened without even me realising it! The more I think about it, past years have just been a series of major events one after the other, which have landed me in this planet I am in now, which I didnt ever think about, plan about, dream about! One good thing happened in this soul searching.. I tracked down some of those with whom things ended badly. I did so with great trepidation, not sure of how my feelings would jump out at me.. and I was happy to note that they have moved on.. and they dont appear angry or frustrated at themselves.. theyve moved on in a good way, making a good life for themselves.. and seeing that, actually calmed me.. made me feel like I've made peace with my past.. to be honest, I did spend some time wondering how things would be if 'a', 'b' or 'c' event hadnt happened.. but then, in the end, everyone has moved on and seems to be generally content with their lives - including me, so thats a good thing.. 

  

Another thing that really struck out at me was the sense of surety. About what I wanted, about how things should be done or not done. what is right and what is wrong.. strangely with time, instead of becoming more set in my thoughts about these things, I have become less and less certain.. I have everything I wanted but keep finding it inadequate. Wrongs and rights seem so relative now. Not every right is actually right and not every wrong is actually wrong.. life seems more like a series of compromises now, with a lot of negotiation and haggling for everything which I once thought was a given. This in turn has made each day like walking off the beaten path, finding my way through into a new territory and the constant uncertainty seems to have mentally weakened me in some way, although I cant pinpoint exactly how.. so now i spend my free time like a couch potato, thinking of nothing and doing nothing except watch tv - such a contrast to one of my entries then about how amazing it felt to be able to read so many books back then and how i didnt enjoy tv very much. Its bang opposite today. I dont know when I last read a book and when a day passed without watching at least 2 hours of tv..

Im glad I  did this today.. I need a bit of a wake up call. The strongest feeling all of this has left inside me is, that I need to really pick up and own my life. This feeling that the past few years have happened 'despite' me , is not at all how it should be.. good or bad, happy unhappy highs lows, whatever it is, I should be in some sort of control of the situation, some element of choice in making things go one way or another.. Im not saying it was completely missing, but whatever amount was there, I have forgotten even within such a short span of time! So what is its value?! I have to seize each moment - cliched as it sounds.. I dont want life passing me by, while I stay glued to Masterchef! I dont think anybody  wants that. So its best to let past hurt die its own death and make today the best that I can. Have to find a way out of this comfortable cocoon I keep myself in, take a chance, learn something, do something.. a friend once told me exactly this, which I had all but forgotten - Learn at least one new thing everyday. Otherwise things happening around you will just swallow you.. High time I start listening to this piece of advice..