An experience to remember..

Who would have thought that the worst nightmare was yet to come? Lulled into a sense of security by past experiences about my abilities to handle all sorts of people, I am so stunned and amazed at the sheer audacity of the opposition I am facing.. Little did I realise that I was interfering with a well settled pecking order.. an order where she speaks and you listen and you sign. Thats it. There better not be anything more than that.

What beats me and what I ask myself everyday is, why on earth am I here?

I wrote these lines a week ago in frustration.. and let it sit without publishing, hoping that this anger will pass in a few weeks. But better still, yesterday I got absolved of my duties altogether.. the very first 'kicking-out' posting of mine! 

I suppose I was expecting this.. writing was clear on the wall. But like a mentor told me, in the face of adversity, the best thing to do is put your head down, work hard and build credibility among the people you are there to serve. I tried to do that and the love and anguished messages I am getting from people of different walks of life has surprised and moved me.. 

2 months is like a blink of an eye in this profile. The rule of thumb is, first 3 months, just get to know the place, things and issues. Dont do anything drastic. But for the machinery, these first 3 months are also crucial in terms of setting of expectations and goals for subordinates. So while I tried not to do anything 'drastic' I found myself up against the most audacious and difficult challenge I have ever faced. I tried to put that aside and focus on getting the machinery moving. There was so much to do... We achieved a lot in this time.. but I still didnt expect that the message of my work, enough to build a certain credibility, would have reached throughout the jurisdiction. 

Oh there are many who are celebrating! And I dont grudge them their happiness - people dont like to be shifted from their comfort zone very easily. But my initial euphoria at getting out of this situation has slowly been replaced by a sadness.. the support and love that the place and its people are showing me is no less than what I received from another profile at which I got to work for a whole year. People sending me photos of what my interventions have achieved, criticizing this decision as inimical to the people.. 

From the beginning of my time here the thing that has struck me the most is the decency of the people here, which unfortunately is in some ways responsible for the poor delivery by a dull machinery. At the same time, the machinery was more responsive to my call to work than I expected.. There was so much to do.. and we were just getting started... I really want this sadness to leave me so I go to the new place and take on the new tasks full of energy.. I dont want to come back to a profile like this because it is too difficult to part like this.. its like seeing the seed you've sown get yanked out and thrown while your hands are tied up so you cant stop it..