Rough week. We all read so much about so many people in papers, on the Internet everyday. And we sit in our offices or couches or on the train or flight and make judgement calls on them. Sometimes in one sentence - all sarkari fellows are corrupt! Sometimes waxing eloquently to whoever is nearby about the depths of corruption we as a nation are drowned into, so on and so forth..
Today I feel sorry that I have been exactly like one of those people. I have no qualms, no guilty conscience, no sliver of doubt that I am a thoroughly and completely scrupulous officer. And I don't mean that in some compromised, oh-that-doesn't-include-such-and-such-thing manner. I am absolutely clean. Yet, I have been accused of many wrong doings in the papers - about not caring enough , of caring too much, of so many things..I learnt that its a part of the package deal that this job is.. and I'm still trying to get used to it.. skin gets a bit thicker each day.. But, I could not believe my eyes reading a story on my "corruption". Couched beautifully in a nuanced way, without a direct liable attack and yet it was right there, pointing a finger at me. Since then the only buzz in town has been about 10 other possible ways that in which I could be corrupt.
After dealing with all the emotions there are - from shock to anger to hurt to helplessness - I am left with just this question in my mind.. how many of those that we read about are like me? and why are people like the reporter above so hell bent on poisoning people's minds and breaking officers' morale? What possible good can come out of this? For anyone - the reader or the reporter?
What none of these guys realise is how tough it is. How god damn ******* tough. To be clean and to be seen as clean. And when you are able to carry it through, to be able to meet that standard of toughness day in day out, it makes you proud. Proud that you can wade through this flowing muck each day and yet not let dirty you. All it took was one piece of a devil's imagination to drown me under. I can get used to a lot of things I guess, but this is one thing I will never ever get used to. And I will never ever forgive or forget this.
I don't know how many people read this blog. But if there's even one person and that person takes a pause next he/she reads such an article about someone, it would be worth it to write this painful experience down.
I have tagged you for a blog hop wherein you have to introduce yourself to your fellow bloggers as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteWhoa !!!! So you now stand baptised by fire. Congratulations. And hats off to your successful safeguard so far against all the mud slinging you talk abt. It doesnt matter if you are the only one who knows you are clean. We never aim at ensuring the world knew about it anyway. But we do want to fire a return salvo at these mischief mongers. Bigger and louder. And yeah, keep this steam on. It will take you places.
ReplyDelete@mfdt : Thanks dear! I have lived up to your orders!
ReplyDelete@masterG: Thanks for the pep talk. Btw, your penchant for abbreviations (like 'abt' above) has clearly revealed your identity to me. So kindly stop pretending to be a stranger :)